As I've mentioned in another post, I haven't told many people about my surgery. The only people in my life who know are my husband, my two cousins and 2 friends. My husband is my supporter 100% of the way, my 2 cousins both had the surgery so I needed them to lean on before and after, and my two friends... well, that's another story. I told my friend M because I've known her forever and I trust her to keep my confidences. If I told M that I murdered someone in cold blood, she wouldn't even wince, the secret would go to the grave with her. My other friend J went ahead and told another mutual friend of ours who has a big mouth and loves to gossip.
So now I imagine EVERYONE knows.
The problem I have with this is some people are judgmental, some are nosy and others want to either sabotage you or watch you fail. For instance, when I was a lot younger and only had 35 lbs. to lose, the only other person who knew was my mother, and only because we went to Weight Watchers meetings together and we supported one another. So as my friends and other family members watched a good chunk of me disappear, I got a lot of positive comments, however, whenever I went to a party or family cookout, people watched what was on my plate, and I'd get comments like, "are you supposed to be eating that?" or "be careful or you'll put all your weight back on." Or the one I love the most, "so how much weight have you lost?" There was even a time when someone took a plate of cookies off the table and said it would be "too much temptation for me." Really? I didn't even know they were there! The problem is I don't want to have to deal with negativity or nosiness. I am going to change and look different to people as I continue on my journey and there are inevitably going to be stares and comments; I was told I'll probably even lose a friend or two along the way, I hope that doesn't happen but if it does, well maybe they weren't really a friend to begin with. I do know this - as I lose weight, people are going to be watching me. They're going to watch everything I eat and make all kinds of comments and some will even wait for me to fail. I'll probably hear, "oh I know someone who had that surgery and it didn't work." That's great encouragement. Maybe the reason why it didn't work is because they didn't put the effort into making it work!
There's no reason why I have to keep trying to convince people on why I chose weight loss surgery or that I took the easy way out. Well, fuck yes I did take the easy way out because the traditional way wasn't working and I made the ultimate sacrifice of having a part of my body removed so I can finally be successful!
We live in a fat phobic world, where it's much easier to poke fun or ostracize people who are fat because we're considered weak, lazy and have no willpower. Yep, it's my fault I got fat therefore I am seen to the world as a failure.
Everyone has an opinion on how to handle obesity, but I can say that not very many of these people have had their mothers die in their arms. My mother was also overweight and she yo-yo'd more than anyone I know, and she paid for it with her life. She developed diabetes which resulted in heart failure and 11 years ago at the age of 60 she died in my arms. Who would have thought that the almost 5 lb little girl she held in her arms on the day she was born would be holding her on the day of her death? It's ironic.
Eight years later I lost my dad, also to diabetes which resulted in kidney failure and heart disease. Even though my dad was never really overweight, diabetes is hereditary and I'm prone to having it so why not nip it in the bud and try to keep it away for as long as I possibly can? I'm a lot like my dad, I love life and I want to continue to be active and loving life for as long as I can.
I had my surgery because I don't want die young.
Pre-op I had high blood pressure and was incontinent, now that's history. I still have sleep apnea and severe bone on bone arthritis and it's only a matter of time before that's not an issue anymore. I am also borderline diabetic and I won't know anymore until my blood work is done next month. So I'm off to an excellent start.
I just hope that one day people will understand that being overweight and failing at weight loss is an emotional roller coaster and the last thing we need is negativity and ignorance because they don't understand or have been there. I do know it's not going to go away, it's human nature and people will be people, so I'm going to have to learn to grow a stronger backbone, some thicker skin and learn to brush it off my shoulders. It's all part of the journey.
A la prossima!
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