So it's 4:45 in the morning and I haven't been able to sleep. This has been happening quite a lot since I've had the surgery but I'm not sure if it's related. I just know that right now I'd love to sleep, but it won't come.
I saw my nutritionist on Monday who put me back on solid food. I told her I felt like I was being snipped from the umbilical cord and thrown out into the world naked! I need guidance!! She just looked at me and said, you know what to do and then suggested I start B-12 vitamins for energy. I sure could use some energy right now. Ever since this surgery I've been so tired, I can't get up in the morning. I have to pry myself out of bed so maybe the B-12 will help. I hope.
I need to watch my intake of carbs, especially bread, and if I do eat bread, it's better toasted because it'll go down easier and my new tummy will be able to handle it better. I like toast so that's okay with me. I made cube steaks the other night and took the smallest piece with about 4-5 cubes of potato. I ate half of the steak which I'm assuming was about 3 ounces and 2-3 pieces of potato and I was done. So far I've been doing great, tonight I had about 2 ounces of chicken salad on a low carb tortilla and I was happy. Now, with the small amount of food that I have to eat, why the fuck does not weight not come off faster? I eat anywhere from 500-700 calories a day, that is so beyond normal but again, the scale doesn't go up and it doesn't go down. Ah, I guess if I was in my mid 20's again, it would be spiraling down faster than a speeding train, but being in my 50's makes it suck all the more.
Anyway, I need to invest in a camera because I've been experimenting with food, and would like to take some pics to show you. Tonight I made a dessert. I don't have a name for it and it's probably been invented already so I'm not claiming genius status here. So here it is, if you're interested:
1 cup of part skim ricotta cheese
1/2 c. of greek yogurt
Dash of vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. Saigon cinnamon
1 package of Stevia
Mix it all up till smooth. Done.
I shkoffed down about a 1/2 cup. Oh, I'm sorry, I can't schkoff anymore, so I ate it slowly giving the dessert time to send that signal to my brain saying, "hey shithead, enough!"
It has about 25 grams of protein for the entire recipe and maybe 180 calories, and it makes about 3 servings. I think.
It's 5:06 am, I think I should shut down my computer and try to sleep.
g'night!
Nica
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Dreaded Stall
So let's see, I had my surgery on the 23rd of February, that first week I lost 20 lbs. I guess when all you can have are liquids and pureed soups and foods, it tends to come off fast. A week later I lost nothing, the week after that nothing again. "It's a stall," I'm told, "it's your body trying to catch up with all the weight it just lost, you'll start losing again." Really? Well, it's pissing me off! Every day I got on the scale and it didn't move. It didn't go up and it didn't go down. It was stuck. I have a digital scale. I thought about throwing it out and buying a new one, I thought about changing the batteries, but then my husband gets on it and proclaims, "it works fine!" Great, I thought and then started going through a laundry list in my head of what could possibly be wrong with me that I'm not losing weight.
Week 4 arrives, I stepped on the scale Monday morning and I'm down 1 pound. Hmm… I thought, maybe… just maybe I'm out of the slump. The next day I did it again, I was down a half pound more. Wednesday morning, down another half pound. Well, it's Friday morning and so far I've lost 3 pounds this week! The stall is over! YESSSSS!!! It seemed like the longest 2 weeks of torture I've ever experienced.
My big issue right now is getting some exercise in. I have severe osteoarthritis in my right knee, which I'm hoping will not be an issue as I continue to lose weight, but for now it's difficult for me to get in any kind of exercise. I'm still on a "no lifting" restriction from my surgeon for at least another 2-3 weeks. I know once I start working out, I'll lose weight faster, and at the same time get rid of some the excess skin I'm going to be experiencing. After all, I can't possibly overeat, at 4 week post-op, I eat like a 2 year old. I can only hold in a half cup of food with each meal. I have to get my protein drinks and water in which is not very easy, but I try. Last night I shared a 1 1/2 oz. turkey burger with my cat. I just couldn't finish it.
So exercise is an issue for me right now. I think tomorrow I'm going to go to the Y and see if I can join their water aerobics class. I have to do something, but for now I think the dreaded stall is over!
Week 4 arrives, I stepped on the scale Monday morning and I'm down 1 pound. Hmm… I thought, maybe… just maybe I'm out of the slump. The next day I did it again, I was down a half pound more. Wednesday morning, down another half pound. Well, it's Friday morning and so far I've lost 3 pounds this week! The stall is over! YESSSSS!!! It seemed like the longest 2 weeks of torture I've ever experienced.
My big issue right now is getting some exercise in. I have severe osteoarthritis in my right knee, which I'm hoping will not be an issue as I continue to lose weight, but for now it's difficult for me to get in any kind of exercise. I'm still on a "no lifting" restriction from my surgeon for at least another 2-3 weeks. I know once I start working out, I'll lose weight faster, and at the same time get rid of some the excess skin I'm going to be experiencing. After all, I can't possibly overeat, at 4 week post-op, I eat like a 2 year old. I can only hold in a half cup of food with each meal. I have to get my protein drinks and water in which is not very easy, but I try. Last night I shared a 1 1/2 oz. turkey burger with my cat. I just couldn't finish it.
So exercise is an issue for me right now. I think tomorrow I'm going to go to the Y and see if I can join their water aerobics class. I have to do something, but for now I think the dreaded stall is over!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
50 Reasons
Why I had Weight Loss Surgery
1. I don't want to get Diabetes
2. I don't want to have high blood pressure anymore
3. I don't want to have sleep apnea anymore
4. I don't want to have high cholesterol anymore
5. I don't want to have stress incontinence anymore
6. I am tired of being discriminated against by employers and prospective employers
7. I want my knee pain to go away so I can walk again
8. I want to be able to sit in ANY chair
9. I want to look at myself in the mirror and not see rolls of chin
10. I want to be able to wear Jeans with a zipper
11. I don't want to have swollen ankles anymore
12. I'm tired of children making fun of me or telling me that I'm fat. Yeah, I know I am.
13. I want my sense of pride back
14. I want to run 5 miles
15. I want to work out with weights again
16. I want to stop snoring so my husband can sleep
17. I want to move a little faster
18. I want to go to the beach again
19. I want to go to shopping with my girlfriends again
20. I don't want a choice of 2 stores to buy clothes
21. I want to be able to tolerate New England humidity in the summer.
22. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without panting
23. I don't want to look like Shamu anymore
24. I want to love my bathroom scale or any scale!
25. I want to go to my High School reunion next year and look hot!
26. I want to have a love affair with my husband
27. I want to travel to Ireland
28. I want to travel to Italy
29. I want to travel to Greece
30. I want to travel to Vietnam
31. I want to be employed again
32. I want to be a trophy wife!
33. I want to get rid of my fat clothes
34. I want to sit down without rolls of belly fat getting in my way
35. I want to lose my ghetto booty
36. I want to be able to bend down and tie my sneakers without my face getting red
37. I want to look sexy again
38. I want to wear a bathing suit, not a bikini - a one piece
39. I want to stand in front of a mirror and like what I see
40. I want my thighs to stop rubbing together
41. I want to look at my old pictures and laugh
42. I want to stop yo-yo dieting
43. I want to wear my size 9 leather pants again
44. I want to learn to cook like a thin person
45. I don't want to have to say excuse me when I'm trying to go down a narrow aisle
46. I want to dance again
47. I want to love life again
48. I want to be healthy
49. I want to stay alive
50. I want to love me
1. I don't want to get Diabetes
2. I don't want to have high blood pressure anymore
3. I don't want to have sleep apnea anymore
4. I don't want to have high cholesterol anymore
5. I don't want to have stress incontinence anymore
6. I am tired of being discriminated against by employers and prospective employers
7. I want my knee pain to go away so I can walk again
8. I want to be able to sit in ANY chair
9. I want to look at myself in the mirror and not see rolls of chin
10. I want to be able to wear Jeans with a zipper
11. I don't want to have swollen ankles anymore
12. I'm tired of children making fun of me or telling me that I'm fat. Yeah, I know I am.
13. I want my sense of pride back
14. I want to run 5 miles
15. I want to work out with weights again
16. I want to stop snoring so my husband can sleep
17. I want to move a little faster
18. I want to go to the beach again
19. I want to go to shopping with my girlfriends again
20. I don't want a choice of 2 stores to buy clothes
21. I want to be able to tolerate New England humidity in the summer.
22. I want to walk up a flight of stairs without panting
23. I don't want to look like Shamu anymore
24. I want to love my bathroom scale or any scale!
25. I want to go to my High School reunion next year and look hot!
26. I want to have a love affair with my husband
27. I want to travel to Ireland
28. I want to travel to Italy
29. I want to travel to Greece
30. I want to travel to Vietnam
31. I want to be employed again
32. I want to be a trophy wife!
33. I want to get rid of my fat clothes
34. I want to sit down without rolls of belly fat getting in my way
35. I want to lose my ghetto booty
36. I want to be able to bend down and tie my sneakers without my face getting red
37. I want to look sexy again
38. I want to wear a bathing suit, not a bikini - a one piece
39. I want to stand in front of a mirror and like what I see
40. I want my thighs to stop rubbing together
41. I want to look at my old pictures and laugh
42. I want to stop yo-yo dieting
43. I want to wear my size 9 leather pants again
44. I want to learn to cook like a thin person
45. I don't want to have to say excuse me when I'm trying to go down a narrow aisle
46. I want to dance again
47. I want to love life again
48. I want to be healthy
49. I want to stay alive
50. I want to love me
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Hello!
Since this is my first blog in a very long time, I'm a little confused on how to begin. I have a lot to say, but don't know where to start. On a totally different subject, I've noticed a great improvement in blogger.com! Bravo! When I first began blogging, I had to know HTML in order to design my blog, otherwise I was left with little choice in how I wanted my blog to look!
As you've notice from my "About Me" column, I had weight loss surgery on February 23, 2011. That's what I call the day I was reborn. I can't believe as I write this, my surgery was a month ago today and so far I haven't any regrets, and while I haven't lost a LOT of weight, I have lost 22 pounds since my first pre-op visit. I'm not happy, but it's more than I would have lost had I not had this surgery.
I became very depressed pre-surgery, and I'm sure you've heard many people say this, but I really don't know how I let myself get to 278 lbs! I had a lot of medical issues; high blood pressure, my cholesterol was in the warning zone, I was inching up towards diabetes, and on top of all that I have severe osteoarthritis in my knee which prevents me from walking and keeps me home a lot. My depression started last summer when my husband mentioned going out to take a walk on the beach. He said he missed it. He doesn't know this but that one statement he made was the icing on the cake that sent me into the pit of depression. I haven't told him to this day, and probably never will, but that day I made up my mind to do something about my situation.
I wasn't sure what to do and then, similar to the time I quit smoking, I woke up one day and had an epiphany. Weight loss surgery. That was it! I was tired of the countless diets I was on that either did absolutely nothing or bored me to tears. I had to do something. My problem is food, I like to too much. I don't eat to sustain myself, I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, depressed and angry. It's my drug, my addiction, my go to for comfort. I was a slave to food, it ruled my life and I had to put an end to it.
I was also unemployed with minimal health insurance. It covered the basic necessities like doctor's visits, prescriptions and that's about it. So I decided if the insurance wouldn't pay for the surgery, I had a CD that my dad left me that I would cash out and pay for it myself. It wasn't money squandered, it was an investment in myself. The next move I made was to call my doctor who agreed with me regarding the surgery and began making the necessary motions to get me started. After a gadzillion medical and psych tests later, I was ready!
Today, a month later and 22 pounds lost, I am not hungry anymore, I eat because I need the nutrients to keep me healthy and for my new tummy to heal. I'm doing everything right and afraid not to do anything my doctor tells me. I can't overeat if I wanted to!
Not a lot of people in my life know about my surgery. I've decided to keep it to myself because, well some tend to judge, and I don't feel like arguing or trying to defend what I've done. I did this for me. It was a selfish act, but fortunately I love life too much and I want to live out the rest of my life as a healthy, active individual.
I know I have a long, hard road ahead of me but I have a tool for now that will help me get through it, and when that tool has worn out its welcome, the rest is up to me, and honestly, I've been through too much to go back. I'll never go back!
As you've notice from my "About Me" column, I had weight loss surgery on February 23, 2011. That's what I call the day I was reborn. I can't believe as I write this, my surgery was a month ago today and so far I haven't any regrets, and while I haven't lost a LOT of weight, I have lost 22 pounds since my first pre-op visit. I'm not happy, but it's more than I would have lost had I not had this surgery.
I became very depressed pre-surgery, and I'm sure you've heard many people say this, but I really don't know how I let myself get to 278 lbs! I had a lot of medical issues; high blood pressure, my cholesterol was in the warning zone, I was inching up towards diabetes, and on top of all that I have severe osteoarthritis in my knee which prevents me from walking and keeps me home a lot. My depression started last summer when my husband mentioned going out to take a walk on the beach. He said he missed it. He doesn't know this but that one statement he made was the icing on the cake that sent me into the pit of depression. I haven't told him to this day, and probably never will, but that day I made up my mind to do something about my situation.
I wasn't sure what to do and then, similar to the time I quit smoking, I woke up one day and had an epiphany. Weight loss surgery. That was it! I was tired of the countless diets I was on that either did absolutely nothing or bored me to tears. I had to do something. My problem is food, I like to too much. I don't eat to sustain myself, I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, depressed and angry. It's my drug, my addiction, my go to for comfort. I was a slave to food, it ruled my life and I had to put an end to it.
I was also unemployed with minimal health insurance. It covered the basic necessities like doctor's visits, prescriptions and that's about it. So I decided if the insurance wouldn't pay for the surgery, I had a CD that my dad left me that I would cash out and pay for it myself. It wasn't money squandered, it was an investment in myself. The next move I made was to call my doctor who agreed with me regarding the surgery and began making the necessary motions to get me started. After a gadzillion medical and psych tests later, I was ready!
Today, a month later and 22 pounds lost, I am not hungry anymore, I eat because I need the nutrients to keep me healthy and for my new tummy to heal. I'm doing everything right and afraid not to do anything my doctor tells me. I can't overeat if I wanted to!
Not a lot of people in my life know about my surgery. I've decided to keep it to myself because, well some tend to judge, and I don't feel like arguing or trying to defend what I've done. I did this for me. It was a selfish act, but fortunately I love life too much and I want to live out the rest of my life as a healthy, active individual.
I know I have a long, hard road ahead of me but I have a tool for now that will help me get through it, and when that tool has worn out its welcome, the rest is up to me, and honestly, I've been through too much to go back. I'll never go back!
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