Today, being the first day of a new year, I woke up with a food hangover. It's that sick feeling where your stomach feels like a cat was trying to claw it's way out, succeeded and vomited all at once. I needed coffee this morning because it's the only thing that helps when I've got that sour food hangover tummy.
I stay home on New Year's Eve. I don't mind it. I've been doing it for well over 25 years. We usually have something fun to eat, watch funny movies toast with sparkling apple cider at midnight, then we both crash. Last night I made nachos. We haven't eaten nachos in several years. I had a little bit of leftover chili in the freezer,a package of shredded cheddar and a bag of blue corn tortilla chips. I put them all in an oven proof plate and baked until everything was melty. It all went down nicely with a tall glass of spiced rum and coke. Last night all bets were off. I felt comfortable giving into my addiction because I felt it was an occasion where I could. I shared the evening with the husband, but had my own little "addiction" party going on in my head. I ate until I was sick, but never crossed the line where I would physically get sick. The way my addiction works is by indulging with just enough to bring myself to the edge, then I take a break, mainly until the nausea wears off. When that happens I continue and repeat. Before I went to bed, I took a few good swigs of Maalox.
This morning when I woke up, naturally the first thought on my mind was breakfast. However, I did something new this morning. I fed the cats first, then I made coffee, washed a few dishes left in the sink, fed the birds outside, and then I thought of breakfast again. I baked a loaf of fresh spelt bread the day before. I cut myself a skinny slice, toasted it and fried an egg in spray coconut oil (like Pam). By the time I was done, the coffee was ready. I didn't feel bad about eating the bread because it was spelt, not white and I wasn't about to make it my fall off the wagon reason. I can't worry about carbs right now.
Right before lunch I ate a cup of mixed grapefruit and orange, then attempted to eat lunch. I was still doing well and not thinking of food. In fact, I went the rest of the day without falling off the wagon. I ate 3 meals, 2 snacks and began cleaning out my study. By the time I thought of food again it was 15 minutes to 11pm and too late to shove anything into my mouth, so I went to bed.
I'm in bed right now writing.
Today was a good day. Tomorrow I'm meeting an old friend for lunch at an Italian restaurant. I'm not sure what to do, but I'll try not setting myself up for failure. It's all I can do for the moment.
I also had a passing thought tonight that I might try to see someone who specializes in food addictions.
Good night.
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