Sweet, Sweet Victories!

When I started this blog I was about a month post op and still wearing my fat girl pants which were size 22 stretch jeans and regular stretch pants. I have a lot of friends who are happy for me, especially my friend Linda took issue with me still wearing my old clothes and pulled me aside. She told me she was sick of watching me hike up my pants to just about under my boobs just to see them fall past my hips. Only a good friend will tell you like it is! Linda was right, it was indeed time for me to give up my fat clothes and buy some new clothes, so we went on a shopping excursion to Lane Bryant one evening.

While in the store, I found some pants that I thought would look good in one size smaller than what I usually wear. Linda, on the other hand grabbed pants in even smaller sizes. I went into the dressing room where the sales person had already designated a dressing room for me and had the clothing hanging on hooks inside.

I tried on a size 20 boot cut pant. Too big. I tried on a size 18. Still too big. I'm thinking holy shit the sizes must run big in this store. Linda handed me a size 16 pant. In my mind, I prepared myself to squeeze into them and not be able to get them past my hips.

HOLY SHIT!

I put them on, buttoned and zipped them without having to suck my gut in and then looked at myself in the mirror. I could think of nothing else other than I just put my fat ass into a size 16 pants! my next thought was where did the other half of me go?? I was looking dead into reality and it was very kind to me!!

It's hard for me to explain how I really feel about all this because after years of squeezing my big ass into clothes that were increasing in size and trying to look like someone I was clearly not, I looked in that mirror and actually liked myself and liked what I saw! I couldn't take my eyes off my reflection in the mirror. It's not like I don't have any mirrors at home, but it felt as if I was looking at myself for the first time in years! I went from having 3 chins to one chin, from having chipmunk cheeks and looking like I was constantly hoarding nuts to actually seeing my cheekbones, from having a stomach that made me look like I was going to give birth to quadruplets to almost flat, my hips and thighs were smaller, I HAD A FREAKIN' WAIST!!! And even though it was smaller, my ghetto bootie was still there!!

It was hard for me initially to believe the person that I was looking at in the mirror was me and I was not dreaming!

I bought the size 16 pants and a size 14, not size 22 shirt to go with it. I even went back and bought another pair of pants and a pair of jeans and a few more shirts, all on sale of course. I have enough clothes now to make it through the end of summer, and I'll evaluate what's in my closet for the upcoming fall and winter.

People are noticing my weight loss now than ever before. I'm not liking the attention very much because I don't know how to take a compliment, but please know deep down inside I'm grinning from ear to ear.

Yesterday morning I reached my 50 pound goal and set my next 50 pound goal that I hope to achieve by my surgery anniversary on February 22nd. This morning I lost another pound!

This morning I also tried on a bra that I once said I'd never get into and it fit. Comfortably. In fact, the cups are a little roomy, but the bra didn't dig into my skin anywhere. With that, I went through my bra drawer and pulled out about 15 bras that no longer fit me that I'm giving to charity. Almost all of them are new. I've gone from a double D to a C and now possibly a B.

Life is getting better.

a la prossima!

Change is Good!

When my stall was nearing its 6-week mark, I not only became very sad and frustrated, it wasn't supposed to work this way, I was supposed to lose have a stall here and there but not one that is lasting 6 weeks and counting! so, my first thought was it probably isn't a stall and my second thought was, it's definitely what I'm eating. I work out every other day, I do water aerobics twice a week and still the weight didn't go up, BUT, it didn't go down either. Well, after having a discussion about this over lunch with a very dear friend, I made up my mind on what to do.

I joined Weight Watchers online.

I'm not writing this to sing the praises of Weight Watchers because the program isn't designed for post op bariatric patients but I am going to say that I figured out what I was doing wrong. I was definitely eating too many calories - lots of protein, low carb and all but way too many calories and, I know some of you will hate me for saying this, but, I've had to put a few grainy carbs back into my eating plan just to kickstart the weight loss again. By adding a few carbs I mean, I eat a small piece of whole grain toast in the morning, that's it! I'm also keeping track of what I eat, still keeping my protein grams to 60/70 per day and I stay below my points guideline. I couldn't possible eat 28 points a day, but 21-24 is working for me. I can't even eat the extra points alloted to do with what you will for the week or the extra points rewarded for working out. My stomach just isn't big enough anymore to stuff those extra points in, so I don't use them. I'm told if I don't use them, my body will go into starvation mode... mmmm... I don't think so. I'm eating, eating right and eating healthy.

So after 2 weeks of WW tracking of food intake and activity, I've managed to lose 3 1/2 pounds. I don't know if it's the carbs my body is seeing after so many months, or it's the lower caloric intake, but whatever it is, it's working, my mental slump is better and I'm feeling great!

As many of you know, there is nothing more frustrating than hitting a stall, and I expect stalls to last several weeks, but 6 weeks is a bit much in my opinion, and it is a reason to figure out what the underlying problem is. Everyone's body reacts differently, apparently my body punishes me for eating the way most post op bariatric patients eat, so at this moment the WW plan is working for me.

In the end though, does it really matter? We are all trying to achieve the same goal which is the reason we had weight loss surgery to begin with. As long as we're losing in a healthy way.

I'll take a 3.5 loss any day! Yup, change can be very good!



A la prossima!

Eat Pancakes for Stress

Once again, it's been a while since I posted, and the truth is I've been so stressed out it's scaring me. To start, we had an attempted break in at my house, luckily the alarm went off as soon as they got the door open and apparently the coward ass ran. Then my husband's car window was vandalized. The idiots threw a rock the size of my head through the driver's side window, reached in and took his baseball cap. The man was pissed about his baseball cap, I was pissed because they touched my property!! My husband just happened to be looking out the window when it happened opened the door and started chasing the kids down the street. I called the police, and a perfect day ended in chaos. A few weeks later the man was going out to move my car when he noticed my driver's side window was shattered. I don't keep anything of value in my car, the only things I have is a blanket and an umbrella. If they're that desperate for those items, I would have gladly given it to them, but they were still there. So the following day I decided I was going to play sentry and keep a look out and around 6:30, two kids walked by and sat on my lawn wall, one was carrying two large bricks. I poked my head out the window and asked what he had in his hands, he said it was his phone. I replied by asking if phones look like bricks these days and he said they were new phones. Again, my husband went out and they began to run, once again I called the police and once again the police did not get the kid. So now one car gets parked in the garage and the other gets parked in a safe area in the next town across the street from my where my sister in law lives.

This is what it has come down to. I am not going to pay another dime to replace the windows so these punks can get their jollies. Also, I've been looking at houses, we are definitely getting out of this neighborhood. It's getting worse and worse every year, if it isn't the sound of gunfire, the drive by shootings and gang related deaths, it's little morons vandalizing personal property.

Also, I was kind of hoping it wouldn't happen to me, but it did - my hair is beginning to fall out. I'm a little over 4 months post op and it's coming out in clumps, it doesn't even look the same when I style it. I have hypothyroidism and lost a considerable amount of hair on top of my head already, so this post op hair loss in addition is very depressing. I've been wearing it tied back in a ponytail, am strongly considering cutting it all off or buy a wig. I'd like to try a couple of wigs first and if they look natural enough, I'll ride out the storm until my hair starts to grow back, if not, I guess I'll be wearing a butch cut for a few months!

And if things aren't bad enough, I'm stuck in a stall. 43 pounds and not budging, not even a half pound!

On the other hand, I've been having some AWESOME pancakes for breakfast the past two days. I got the recipe from "The World According to Eggface." I made my own variation by adding a tablespoon of SF white chocolate pudding mix and a half cup of blueberries; just make sure you add the blueberries before you flip the pancake over. I made 2 large pancakes from the batter instead of 4 small or 8 silver dollar size and could only eat one. In fact, I even had trouble finishing it, I left about 2-3 bites.

The pancakes were a refreshing change from eggs every day, even though the recipe contains egg, but it's not the same! I highly suggest you try them! These pancakes are so very yummy that I forgot all about the problems I've been having for a while! Who would have thought pancakes would be stress relievers! See here for the recipe.

Gone Crazy and Pizza Crust Too!

I must be out of my mind. Yep, I've gone nuts, lost it, am ready for a straight jacket and the padded room. Me, fat girl extraordinaire has been working out, not once but twice a day! Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought of doing this, but it's true. Don't get me wrong, I love working out, just not twice a day.

I go to the gym every other day. I am doing 25 minutes of a cardio workout on a stationary bicyle and 30 minutes of weight training, THEN on Monday and Wednesday evening I go to water aerobics at the YMCA, and at this very moment as I'm typing this blog, my effin' body is SORE! It hurts from my neck all the way down to my toes!

And the best part is... I have lost a total of 43 lbs!!

My underwear is getting big, I mean uncomfortably loose. I'm wearing my pants gangsta style, as in the crotch and ass hang below the natural crotch and ass line! Oh yeah, real sexy. Maybe the young boys who hang out at the skateboard park at the end of the street will ask me to hang with them! Ha, joke. I made a funny, not this old broad!

But what I really wanted to tell you is that I created a low carb crust for pizza, and I apologize to anyone who created this before me, but I play around with recipes and I came up with one for crust without using flour. As I learned in Entrepreneur class recipes cannot be subjected to trademark and/or patent regulations, so they're free to plaguerize (sp?) or re-create, but I will always give credit where credit is due.

The recipe is as follows:

1 cup of chick pea (garbanzo) bean flour
1 cup of water
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1 tbsp. oil
1 tsp. Italian seasoning (optional)
a 9x12 cookie sheet with sides (or a size pan close to 9x12)

Combine chick pea flour, salt, pepper, seasoning and baking soda in a bowl, add water and stir. Mixture will be the consistency of thin pancake batter. Let the batter sit for about a half hour. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Pour mixture onto the cookie sheet, spread if necessary to cover the entire bottom of sheet (remember, it will be like a thin batter), then bake for about 8 to 12 minutes. Crust is done when it looks like it's pulling away from the sides and top is firm to touch.

Remove from oven, spread about a tablespoon of olive oil (this is optional), then spread your favorite sauce and add shredded cheese. I also added some turkey pepperoni. Lower the oven to 350 degrees and place pizza back into the oven and bake until cheese is melted and bubbly.

I used reduced fat mozzarella and it didn't brown, now I know why low carb people use full fat everything! I finished it by placing the pizza under a broiler for a minute or so until it was brown all over.

I get about 4 slices but you can cut them as big or small as you want. The only problem is it's not crispy like some pizza dough, but I'm cool with that. The crust is kind of soft and a little bready; it reminds me of the pizza slices my mother used to buy from the Italian bread bakeries that once inhabited the North End in Boston.

It's yummy, low carb and good for us!!

Okay, I'm exhausted from a day of gym and water aerobics and am going to bed. Nite nite everyone!

A la prossima!

Reaching Out

About a week ago, I had an appointment with a new dermatologist, I figured while I'm in the midst of losing weight, the hair on my lip and chin can go too as I'm not only tired of waxing and tweezing, my over 40 eyesight is making it difficult for me to see! I'm first generation Italian-American born to dark Italian parents therefore it only makes sense that I am born with an olive toned complexion and dark hair so the monobrow and facial hair are part of the whole look and has been the bane of my existence!

As it turned out my dermatologist and I share the same ethnic background and our families are from the same area so you know we immediately became kindred spirits! We talked for a while about our families and "who we know," but then it got down to business and while she was asking me about my medical history, I told her about my VSG surgery, how happy I was, how it was the best decision I ever made, etc., etc., and when all was said and done, she began telling me about her best friend who happens to weigh close to 400 pounds. I listened intently as she told me about her friend beginning with listing her co-morbidities, her bad knees, and how her husband does the laundry because she can't go down the basement stairs which is where the laundry facilities are, and how she stays home a lot because she can't walk, is ashamed of her size, and how Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, HMS and other diets didn't work for her. I held back my tears as she basically flashed my past life before my eyes which reminded me of the emotional trauma I experienced that finally led me to take that leap into weight loss surgery. The only difference her friend and I have is she's afraid of having weight loss surgery and very adamant about it.

So who wasn't afraid at first?

I'm such a sap and the story about her friend touched my heart. I wanted to reach out and help her, so I gave the dermatologist permission to give her friend my phone number. I won't talk her into having WLS, but I will sing the praises of it and I will tell her how it gave me my life back and added a few more years to my life. Now that I've been there and experienced the procedure, I can honestly tell her that there is nothing to fear. A few days of discomfort is worth a lifetime of happiness. I hope she calls me.

The conversation with my dermatologist sort of clinched my decision in what my major will be this coming fall when I go back to school.

I've spent most of my life yo-yo dieting. I've lost tons of weight, only to gain it back again, and I was also a chubby kid. The current generation of children are growing up the same way. For me, it wasn't lack of exercise, it was my parents who fed me like their very own little prized pig, but for children today, it's many things from McDonald's advertising directly to them and serving up greasy, salty food to unhealthy school lunches, working parents who don't have the time to make healthy lunches, computer games, and x-boxes. Children are getting Type 2 diabetes and other co-morbidities and I want to join the battle to help them grow up healthy, so I've decided my major will be in nutrition with the hope that I can reach out to children and their parents while they're in school by teaching them and using my experience as a child as an example.

Yeah, I'm ready for it!

Until next time when I'll have some more yummy, healthy recipes.... a la prossima!

Ciao!

Chicken Fajitas and a Beautiful Weekend!

In New England, Memorial Day weekend kicks off the unofficial beginning of summer! I'm sure it's the same way in many other parts of the country, but here today the temp hit about 90, the humidity is about 87%, so needless to say it's the 3 H's - Hazy, HOT and Humid! This is the type of weather I absolutely detest and we get a summer-full of it every year. It's the type of weather that tempts me to shave my head, it maintains my mind in a constant state of funk and makes me want to spend the rest of the season sitting in front of my air conditioner, however, this year, I'm a little lighter, feeling a lot better and when I think about the horrendous winter we had that began the day after Christmas with a major Nor'easter that dumped tons of snow, along with the 2-3 foot snowstorms we had just about every week until the first week of February, toss in the subzero temps, the ice, the ice dams, the melting snow dripping through my bathroom window, well, I would say today was absolutely beautiful! I think if I have some time tomorrow I may remove the tarps covering my deck furniture and bbq grill, clean off the dirt and get my deck ready for the season.

I have been so busy lately that I haven't really been cooking very much with the exception of making a little meal here and there, but yesterday I made chicken fajitas (so easy) and Almond Meal bread. I've been jonesin' for something other than eggs for breakfast and the bread did the trick for me. I got the recipe from the Cooking with Trader Joe's website . It has a sticky, gooey texture when raw but when cooked it makes a decent loaf of bread, not the kind of yeasty bread we're all used to; it comes out like a dense and hearty, earthy-crunchy type bread. It's delicious with cream cheese or goat cheese spread and it took care of the craving. Also, it's about 317 calories per slice but it has 13 g. of protein and good fat, that is if you slice the loaf into 12 slices, so if you're watching your calorie intake I would suggest cutting the slices thin. The bread is filling so a little goes a long way, which is a good thing for those of us with VSG's, RnY's or Lapbands because we don't eat very much anymore!

Here's my recipe for Chicken Fajitas:

2 cups of cooked white meat chicken, diced into 1 inch cubes. (I used a rotisserie chicken)
1/2 of a green pepper, diced into 1/2 inch pieces
1/2 of a red pepper, diced into 1/2 inch pieces
1 small onion
3 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 tsp. Ancho chili powder (optional)
1/2 to 1/3 (or more) of your favorite salsa.
Package of shredded Mexican cheese.

Heat the oil in a frying pan and when hot, add the peppers and onions. Cook until peppers are soft and onions are translucent. Add Ancho chili powder, a little salt and pepper if you want. When mixture is done add chicken and salsa and cook until heated through. Remove pan from heat.

If you're a carb lover, you can place some of the mixture into a corn or white flour tortilla and add some cheese. The heat from the mixture will melt the cheese or you can place it under a broiler. I sometimes have to do that with certain cheeses.

If you don't eat carbs but want to pretend you do (like me), I used half of a high protein, high fiber, low carb tortilla. You can find these in the International food aisle of your grocery store or ask where they would be. Yum!

This comes out more like a pizza, but you can prepare it in any way you please!

Anyway, it's been a beautiful day here and almost the end to a perfect weekend, so please take a moment to remember what this holiday is for, or if you know or see a vet, don't forget to thank him/her.


A la Prossima!

The Girl I Used To Be

I've been away for a while, but now finals are over, summer is around the corner, I have time now to get done the things I need to get done and I'm loving me a little bit more, and in the time I've been away from this blog, I've learned a few things; one of them hit me today. I am slowly but surely becoming my old self again. Today I felt the girl that has been trapped inside me for so long trying to come out again, and today I also found out I have lost a total of 37 lbs. 3 more to go to 40!

I went to CVS today to pick up a few things when I smelled something light, flowery, and clean so I followed the scent and found many different bottles of body sprays. At this point I became confused and am unable to tell if it's a combination of scents that has attracted me or was it one in particular? As I began spraying the tester bottles into the air, it dawned on me that I haven't worn scent other than soap or shower gel in ages. The last bottle of perfume I bought was Sunflowers and that was sometime in the mid 90s!! It also dawned on me that I used to wear scent because it made me feel "alive," and that's the key word here. Since I've lost a good amount of weight I'm beginning to feel alive again! I'm yanking my pants up to under my breasts, only for them to slide down and having to yank them back up every few minutes or so. This is a great feeling!

I went to a consignment shop with a friend a few days ago and while waiting outside the dressing room for her I happened to look at myself in the full length mirror, and for a moment I didn't know who I was (It was a very short moment!) The crotch of my pants was hanging below where it naturally should be!

I can actually cut my toenails again because my stomach isn't in the way anymore, I can bend down and tie my sneakers without my face getting red and coming back up trying to catch my breath.

I am even doing better at the gym, going every other day. I stopped fighting with the elliptical. My knee hurts when I'm on it and there's nothing I can do about it until my knee stops hurting. I took the advice of my hunky surgeon and got on the bike instead. The first time I could only stay on it for 5 minutes, yesterday I finished 20 minutes and could have done another 5 but I didn't want to push it. I began weight training and that burns calories all night long and it's making a difference.

Today got me thinking of how long it's been since I've really been happy. I thought I was, but apparently I've been lying to myself all along. I am the original Queen of Denial. I buried the shame of how I looked, how much food I ate and why I ate. I buried my love affair and gluttony with food. Food was my go-to for emotional support and yet it was killing me at the same time.

I also thought about where I would have been today had I not made that leap of faith and had my VSG surgery; I may have been 37 (maybe more) pounds heavier, still fighting that vicious cycle of weight loss, still yo yo dieting and still eating to death.

The fog in my head is clearing, I'm beginning to put the pieces of my life puzzle back together again, and I look forward to the day when I can finally bury the old body image of myself and see the new me emerging to life! It's going to be awesome!

So this journey has been one of trial, error and learning. Sometimes I feel like a 2-year old, (heaven knows I eat like one) who has a big world to see and learn about. Some days I feel like a runner looking to make that finish line. Some moments there will be bumps in the road and some will be smooth sailing. All I know is that regardless of what happens along the way, I have to keep pushing towards my personal finish line, and once aging become the girl I used to be, and that will also be awesome!

And speaking of awesome, I want to introduce you to a man in my life who rocked my world and gave me a new chance at life.

He's handsome, sweet, personable, kind, has a beautiful soul and I love him. I also pray that God keeps him strong and healthy and did I say that I love him? He's my surgeon, and he's the very best!!